This is a bit of a different subject than what I’ve been writing here in the last couple of months. But it’s also something I have expressed multiple times in other social media outlets.

I believe everyone plays a role in this world. Even if it’s not what you thought what you were going to do.

I had embraced this role years ago. But I knew a long time ago that I was going to be the person that people would go to when they had problems. Even if they didn’t know me very well. I’m always willing to listen to people. And if I feel someone is in trouble, I will do what I can (however little or big it may be) to get them out of that troubled place. If they feel better because they just had to get something off their chest then I’m glad for that.

I have learned over the years or so that the best thing you can do for someone, especially one that you consider a friend, is to be there. That’s it.

Because the worst thing you can honestly do to a friend is to ignore them. Lack of caring. Apathy.

I already learned the hard lesson in 2004 (my major car accident then) that people I considered friends weren’t going to be there. I got that people could be very unhelpful in time of peril but the least they could do was acknowledge it. Some didn’t and I moved on because that’s all I could do.

I knew it was going to happen again after this particular car accident in September. I had already mentioned this last month. But it’s frustrating when some people that you thought were “pretty good” friends would just ignore what’s going on with you. It’s been 11 weeks since that accident. I made NO secrets of what I had gone through. Like if I was in your internet vicinity, you couldn’t miss my blog posts, status updates, and tweets.

Why didn’t you text them then, Rey?

Because those same people are on the internet all the time and they should be able to see all my helplessness for the public to consume. I’m tired of being a friend of convenience. I’m tired of being in a one-sided friendship. Heck, they should’ve heard it from a mutual friend (who also happens to be on the internet all the time).

You talk to me when you’re in trouble and I listen. That’s what a friend does. I help you out so I expect you to be there when I’M in trouble.

And unfortunately, I’m not getting that from some people I have known for a very long time. It doesn’t take much to acknowledge what’s going on. React to a Facebook post. Leave a comment even if you don’t know what to say. “Hey, I don’t know what to say. But what you’re going through sucks! Feel better!” At the very least, I know you cared.

But 11 weeks is just too long (THAT’S NEARLY THREE MONTHS) for a supposed good friend to not acknowledge ANYTHING. And people that will read this blog will probably get in contact with me as soon as they read it. If we weren’t close, I don’t think they’d have to worry about me being disappointed at them. After all, there are varying degrees of friendship.

I’m disappointed at the ones that have been friends with me for a long time, have gone to me, and have talked my ear off for hours. I’ll probably end up forgiving them but it’s not going to be the same for a long time and, chances are, it’s not going to be the same ever.

Now don’t get me wrong; the current support system I have is fantastic. The ones that contacted me within the first 24 hours of my accident, the E.R. visit, and my heart attack were awesome and I could not have asked for better encouragement from them.

It’s just too bad that some of them didn’t include longtime friends (I’ve heard for a long time that it’s not about quantity but quality of friendship). Like this isn’t even a talk about egos. Or work. This was a life or death situation. God forbid I pass away during those times, would they still have never found out a month after? Maybe two months after?

I shouldn’t be at a cardiologist’s office in my age. I’m not even 40 yet. And here I am having regular visits there. It’s FRIGHTENING that I’m in this situation. Yet some people don’t get the gravity of this circumstance.

Well, no pun intended, but I got all of this off my chest. I’m going to go with the friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin. I don’t need people who aren’t going to care about what’s going on with me.

It doesn’t make it any less disappointing every time this happens, though.

Life goes on. At least, I’m confident enough to say that now considering where I was a month ago.

To the ones that didn’t stick with me, I hope your situation finds you well. I wish you a good life.

To the ones that did? I hope YOU’RE well. I hope you’re having good lives. And I love you for sticking with me. I’m certainly not disappointed with you.

R2

So yesterday (Friday), I followed up on my echo heart test, which looks at the structure of my heart. No damage. Everything seems all right and the heart is functioning normally.

The other great news is that my blood pressure was normal for the first time since the car accident. Granted, I’m still taking medication for it and blood pressure tends to fluctuate. But it was definitely good to see that result.

A new goal is to have normal blood pressure without having to take medication. It won’t get any easier as I get older.

Speaking of getting older, I turned 39 years old on Wednesday. I didn’t throw a HUGE party but it was good to see the kids. Here’s me and my niece, Eden.

My birthday was special to me because as recently as a couple of weeks ago, it looked pretty bleak. It was a very stressful time for me. I was terrified that I might not make it to my 39th. Imagine your doctor telling you that you needed to go to the E.R. because you were at risk for a heart attack. And then imagine when your doctor told you that you DID suffer a heart attack but you didn’t even feel it. I didn’t know what to do at that point. I forced myself to continue living life like nothing happened. But at that point, I was very afraid.

Ever since then, there hasn’t been any huge roadblocks. I’ll still have anxiety bouts now and then; I don’t think those will go away for a while, if ever. My heart still beats really fast, sometimes, when I drive on the road. But for all intents and purposes, I’m in a better place than where I was about three weeks ago.

It really helped to have a fantastic support system. Sure, I was disappointed that supposed longtime friends didn’t say anything but the people that have communicated with me throughout this process have been a huge help. It’s tough to be in this position when you’re going at it alone but with good people on my side, life was so much easier.

I have to remind myself that I’m out of the danger zone now. But I still have to work hard on losing weight and staying healthy. And I do have a stress test for my heart in two weeks. Quite frankly, this is the test that worries me the most although I don’t think one test is bigger than the others.

But I also have to remind myself that I’ll be fine. Just keep doing what I’m doing. One day, I will be normal me again.

And all of you that have supported me have my eternal gratitude. Thank you and I love you all.

R2

I had another heart test earlier today. I actually dreaded it even though I’ve been out of the danger zone for a while. But I’ve had such bad luck with my health the last two months, I braced for the worst.

This was actually the first of three tests I were to take. It was my echo test, meaning the doctor wanted to see how my heart looked.

I was able to see the ultrasound of my heart in real time. It was the most surreal thing. I could also hear the beat of my heart.

The one that gave me my test said he didn’t see anything unusual on my heart. From his initial impressions, he said that I should be fine. But I have to go back next week because the doctor has to fully read the test and break it down and all of that.

In the next few weeks, I have two more tests to take. The first one is a stress test, which I don’t need to explain what that is. The second is a holter test, which is about my heart rhythm. Again, I’m out of the danger zone, but we have to cover all the bases.

I’m not taking any additional meds; I’m still only doing the blood pressure pills. It was sad, though, to see some patients walk out with a bunch of medications. I know they’re all there to stabilize a person’s health but I don’t want to be that individual that takes ten or more medications at a time. There’s something terrifying about that.

As for the rest of my health? My blood pressure has flirted on the normal side, which is great news. But I also want to get to the point where I don’t HAVE to take blood pressure meds to achieve that normalcy.

I can’t say I’ve been great in terms of controlling my anxiety. More often than not in the last week, I felt my shoulders tense up (they’re tense now). And my lower back started spasming again. It was great to have relief thereafter on some times as I would have physical therapy.

It was also a bit troubling trying to summon up the courage to talk to people. Again, I LOVE talking. But I’m having some problems doing that. Also, talking for an extended period of time still takes a lot out of me. I am fine walking a mile or doing a 15-minute elliptical session; I don’t have to catch my breath doing that. But a 30-minute conversation? Yeah. It’s a lot for me at the moment. A friend noted that I speak a little quieter than before the accident.

Anyway, you just keep going. I am looking forward to celebrating my birthday with my friends on Sunday (real birthday is on Wednesday). Last month, things looked a little bleak and I didn’t know if I was going to reach November 15th.

Now? I am happy to turn 39 on Wednesday.

Thank you so much for your support. I love you all.

R2

It’s been a while since I updated about my health. It’s actually been 60 days since the car accident happened.

Basically, there hasn’t been any setbacks since.

I’ll say that there are still roadblocks, though.

A few days ago, my pops asked if I could take him to Glendale (which is like 35 minutes away with no traffic). I immediately said no. There is no way I’m ready for that big of a drive.

It’s been three weeks since I drove on the freeway. Honestly, I haven’t been on the freeway since most of my drives have been to physical therapy. And the cardiologist.

I’m still operating under one day at a time. Sometimes, I’m operating under one hour at a time.

But since I feel like I’ve been making forward progress since then (I can’t say it’s all been peachy; my lower back is killing me at the moment and I have the usual anxiety issues), I think I’m ready to set some goals now that I feel like I’m no longer in Survival Overload Mode.

I’ve already resumed writing at The No-Look Pass. I think I’ve found my writing rhythm and, honestly, keeping up this health/personal blog has helped me find that groove.

But other goals?

*Lose 20 pounds.

I weigh quite a lot for my height. I’m not comfortable really sharing that at the moment but that is my immediate goal.

The stuff below kind of goes hand-in-hand with this goal.

*Walk a mile every day.

I was actually walking three miles nearly every day until, one day, I found myself catching my breath. Turned out that my body got so weakened after the hypertension and heart attack. I was told to slow down until then. I had only been walking a block since and I can feel my energy coming back a bit. Now I get to step it up.

*15 and then 20 minutes on the elliptical.

I had been doing 10 minutes.

*Weight training back on.

I don’t need to lift heavy weights. Just enough for resistance. Although my brother talked to me recently and said that my goal should be to be better than my younger self.

Yeah. I would love to bench press 275 pounds regularly. But that sounds REALLY absurd at the moment. One step at a time.

Yup. I used to bench 250 regularly, bro.

*Practice drives on the freeway.

I had kind of stopped doing that after I went to my high school reunion. Like I said, I kept my driving on the surface streets to go to physical therapy/chiropractor and the cardiologist.

At some point, I have to go back to driving on the freeways. Can’t be limited.

*Resume the podcast.

Talking still exhausts me. And talking to someone else is giving me a lot of anxiety these days.

I also love talking. I love talking to people. That’s just me. And I want to keep my podcast going. I took a break originally in the summer only for things to happen afterwards. I haven’t done a pod since the spring.

I did a practice run for myself earlier today. It tires me out. But it’s like any exercise; I should get better once I do a lot of reps.

I hope to resume the podcast this month.

All this while I try to manage my anxiety. Of course, I’ll continue my meditation (whaddup, HeadSpace!), which I have done for 50 straight days.

Oh, yeah. One more.

*Karaoke.

I haven’t gone in a loooong time. And seriously, it’s not me if I don’t do karaoke! Does my anxiety kick in during that time? I need to know. Tell me, baby girl, ‘cause I need to know.

Those are immediate goals. This will help me in the long run. I can’t say I’m the most goal-oriented person but this will help shape me to not only my full recovery, but also to be the best Rey Moralde I can be.

I always told people I was at my happiest in my late 20s (2007, to be exact).

Maybe I can be happy at 39 and 40.

I love you all. Thank you so much for sticking with me.

R2