This is a bit of a different subject than what I’ve been writing here in the last couple of months. But it’s also something I have expressed multiple times in other social media outlets.
I believe everyone plays a role in this world. Even if it’s not what you thought what you were going to do.
I had embraced this role years ago. But I knew a long time ago that I was going to be the person that people would go to when they had problems. Even if they didn’t know me very well. I’m always willing to listen to people. And if I feel someone is in trouble, I will do what I can (however little or big it may be) to get them out of that troubled place. If they feel better because they just had to get something off their chest then I’m glad for that.
I have learned over the years or so that the best thing you can do for someone, especially one that you consider a friend, is to be there. That’s it.
Because the worst thing you can honestly do to a friend is to ignore them. Lack of caring. Apathy.
I already learned the hard lesson in 2004 (my major car accident then) that people I considered friends weren’t going to be there. I got that people could be very unhelpful in time of peril but the least they could do was acknowledge it. Some didn’t and I moved on because that’s all I could do.
I knew it was going to happen again after this particular car accident in September. I had already mentioned this last month. But it’s frustrating when some people that you thought were “pretty good” friends would just ignore what’s going on with you. It’s been 11 weeks since that accident. I made NO secrets of what I had gone through. Like if I was in your internet vicinity, you couldn’t miss my blog posts, status updates, and tweets.
Why didn’t you text them then, Rey?
Because those same people are on the internet all the time and they should be able to see all my helplessness for the public to consume. I’m tired of being a friend of convenience. I’m tired of being in a one-sided friendship. Heck, they should’ve heard it from a mutual friend (who also happens to be on the internet all the time).
You talk to me when you’re in trouble and I listen. That’s what a friend does. I help you out so I expect you to be there when I’M in trouble.
And unfortunately, I’m not getting that from some people I have known for a very long time. It doesn’t take much to acknowledge what’s going on. React to a Facebook post. Leave a comment even if you don’t know what to say. “Hey, I don’t know what to say. But what you’re going through sucks! Feel better!” At the very least, I know you cared.
But 11 weeks is just too long (THAT’S NEARLY THREE MONTHS) for a supposed good friend to not acknowledge ANYTHING. And people that will read this blog will probably get in contact with me as soon as they read it. If we weren’t close, I don’t think they’d have to worry about me being disappointed at them. After all, there are varying degrees of friendship.
I’m disappointed at the ones that have been friends with me for a long time, have gone to me, and have talked my ear off for hours. I’ll probably end up forgiving them but it’s not going to be the same for a long time and, chances are, it’s not going to be the same ever.
Now don’t get me wrong; the current support system I have is fantastic. The ones that contacted me within the first 24 hours of my accident, the E.R. visit, and my heart attack were awesome and I could not have asked for better encouragement from them.
It’s just too bad that some of them didn’t include longtime friends (I’ve heard for a long time that it’s not about quantity but quality of friendship). Like this isn’t even a talk about egos. Or work. This was a life or death situation. God forbid I pass away during those times, would they still have never found out a month after? Maybe two months after?
I shouldn’t be at a cardiologist’s office in my age. I’m not even 40 yet. And here I am having regular visits there. It’s FRIGHTENING that I’m in this situation. Yet some people don’t get the gravity of this circumstance.
Well, no pun intended, but I got all of this off my chest. I’m going to go with the friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin. I don’t need people who aren’t going to care about what’s going on with me.
It doesn’t make it any less disappointing every time this happens, though.
Life goes on. At least, I’m confident enough to say that now considering where I was a month ago.
To the ones that didn’t stick with me, I hope your situation finds you well. I wish you a good life.
To the ones that did? I hope YOU’RE well. I hope you’re having good lives. And I love you for sticking with me. I’m certainly not disappointed with you.