MilaKunis

This is an old story that I have told a few times over in other social media platforms. This happened in November 2010.

It started out as a regular trip to In-N-Out Burger (which is, by the way, delicious and one of the reasons why living in California is awesome… although I’m very very biased). My buddy and I needed dinner right before we were going to do a podcast for my beloved NBA siteThe No-Look Pass.

Now I didn’t exactly clean myself up for a quick food stop. I just threw on a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. I didn’t exactly fix up my hair or anything like that. I looked like a bum.

Anyway, I was happy that we didn’t go through either drive-thru lane (I HATE drive-thrus but that’s another story). We decided to get our orders outside and wait.

While I was tweeting, a woman asked me a question…

WOMAN: “What number are you? I’m 77.”
ME: “I’m at number 65.”

I didn’t notice her at much first until I smelled her perfume. She smelled so good. I even tweeted… Oh, man. Girl that sat next to me smells real good. It’s Kobe time.

So I struck up a conversation with her and we started talking about… burgers. I nearly made a stupid joke when I asked her, “Did you ever have Five Guys?” I remember her with dirty blonde hair, a pretty face, and a slim figure. And all I could think about was, “Why did I not try to look decent today?!”

My friend and I got our orders so I had to go say bye to the pretty lady. She ended with an “Enjoy!” Then while in the car, I told my friend that I was stupid because I didn’t get her number. My friend told me, “Yes, Rey. You’ve gotten to the point where you’re trying to get girls at In-N-Out.”

While editing the podcast in the wee hours, I made a rant on Twitter that I figured only a few people would see.

Wow. After going through those tweets, I realized how terrible I really was.

Anyway, the story became popular overnight. I got tweets from a lot of my followers encouraging me to go get her. Even Daniel Artest (the brother of Ron Artest/Metta World Peace) was telling me to go after it. It was pretty hilarious.

Sadly, I never saw the girl again. It’s been nearly three years since that day and I still get messages/tweets about her. I feel like this is the fifth thing I’m most known for after Spice Girlsthe NBAboy bands, and Spice Girls.

Woof, baby.

4×4 love,
R2

So let’s talk about something out of the ordinary. For me.

We all know Star Wars. Actually, I don’t know Star Wars.

“But how so, Rey-Rey?! Everyone knows Star Wars!”

Before last Friday, I had never watched a Star Wars movie in its entirety except for Episode I. And even then, I don’t even remember anything about Episode I other than the beloved Jar Jar Binks.

Why had I never watched them? Part of it was me being a rebel. I don’t respond well to people that say that I must watch them because it’s the greatest thing ever since sliced bread or before Kate Upton. Also, the truth was that if I were born a girl, I was going to be named after Princess Leia. Imagine that. Leia Moralde.

Anyway, popping my Star Wars cherry (sorta) was becoming a thing. Since I tend to blow things out of proportion and making little events like this into some sort of grand production, I decided to live-tweet my first-ever viewing of Star Wars. I have live-tweeted movies in the past (SpiceWorld and Twilight come to mind) but the volumes of nerd happiness was off the scale with this. Here are the 50+ tweets during the movie. Enjoy.


*cue Star Wars theme* #StarWars

A long time ago… in a galaxy far, far away… wait. HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS EPISODE IV ALREADY? #StarWars

I forgot who sang the Star Wars theme like this… “STAR WARS! NOTHING BUT STAR WARS!” #StarWars

Explosions. Laser beams. Stormtroopers! That’s what they’re called, right? PEW PEW PEW. #StarWars

And we see Princess Leia for the first time. Darth Vader also breathes really hard. I’d hate to hear him snore. #StarWars

How do C3P0 and R2D2 understand each other? Oh, never mind. #StarWars

Oh, I know the secret now! Darth Vader is actually… the King of Zamunda! #StarWars #ComingToAmerica

Darth Vader has the Princess. And C3P0 and R2D2 are stuck in some desert. I feel like I should know the name of the desert. #StarWars

And some hooded dudes (yes, yes, Jawas) shoot R2D2. Where are they carrying him to? #StarWars

But it said so at the start! RT @Blacktigra @TheNoLookPass Wasn’t Episode IV until Episode I came out lol

And we see Luke Skywalker for the first time. He takes C3P0 and R2D2… gosh, these are so hard to type, sometimes. #StarWars

Yup. This has been a disaster so far. RT @ticktock6 @TheNoLookPass “the droids”

“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope!” Luke then says she’s beautiful. Am I supposed to vomit here? #StarWars

Luke is really determined to find out about this “Obi-Wan Kenobi gibberish.” And now he’s talking about “sand people.” Eh? #StarWars

Oh, hey. Some old guy tends to Luke after he was knocked out. Old man reveals himself to be Ben Kenobi. #StarWars

RT @Cosmis Luke’s uncle seems to be the surrogate for all the exasperated dads whose kids drug them to see Star Wars in 1977.

WE CAN’T START THIS NOW. RT @Sam_Vecenie @TheNoLookPass maybe in order to help him he’ll take him to his Den Kenobi.

It really bothers me when Luke says “sand people.” #StarWars

Ben Kenobi (Obi-Wan) hands Luke Skywalker WHOA! THE LIGHTSABER. #StarWars

Obi-Wan tells Luke about his father. Darth Vader killed him. HOW DARE DARTH VADER BE SO EVIL… and stuff. #StarWars

RT @basquiatball In one of the prequels Anikan kills a bunch of them, tells his GF and she’s like, “Whatever, they’re like animals”

Stupid uncle of Luke! Let him go! Let him go! #StarWars

“I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING.” THAT’S WHERE THE LINE CAME FROM. #StarWars

Luke’s uncle and aunt! Oh, no! #StarWars

Learn the ways of the Jedi, says that racist Luke Skywalker. #StarWars

Oh, hey! The Stormtroopers talk! #StarWars

People always talked about the cafe scene. Well, I’m there now. #StarWars

“We don’t serve your kind here!” SO MANY RACISTS. #StarWars

Yup. A disaster. RT@LOOOeee Cantina, young padawan RT @TheNoLookPass: People always talked about the cafe scene. Well, I’m there now.

RT @jacobjbg before you get to it @TheNoLookPass: han shot first. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I thought his name was Indiana Jones! #StarWars RT @ticktock6 First appearance of Han Solo. My first movie boyfriend when I was, like, 6.

RT @JamieOGrady_ @TheNoLookPass Pro Tip: Imagine the Cantina Song for your inner monologue at each and every party you attend.

Han Solo is a violent, violent man. #StarWars

Jabba The Hut is a large… creature. #StarWars

I don’t know if I should hate myself but I feel like I have to watch all six movies now. #StarWars

I kinda want a lightsaber now. I’m only like 30 years too late. #StarWars

Then I can be like the Star Wars kid! RT @bumblebeenie @TheNoLookPass they sell em at Target.

Also, I’ve neglected to mention Chewbacca. I should cosplay as Chewbacca. OH, MY GOSH. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! #StarWars

RT @ticktock6 @TheNoLookPass you’ve taken your first step into a larger nerd world.

Chewbacca sounds like my dog when she wants my food. #StarWars

I’m now getting confused by this Twitter talk. Pretty soon, Darth Vader will be revealed to be Greg Oden. #StarWars

Han Solo and Luke disguised as Stormtroopers. Oh, boy. I never saw that coming. #StarWars

“The force will be with you. Always.” #StarWars

RT @Pat_McDaniels @TheNoLookPass this is even better than your Dawson’s Creek rants

Luke and Han Solo are making a plan to rescue Princess Leia. Studs! #StarWars

Everyone disagrees with you. RT @laker72289 if you were gonna watch them all should have started with episodes 1-3 to understand it better

“A little short for a Stormtrooper, aren’t you?!” That’s what I thought, too, Princess Leia! #StarWars

Darth Vader finds out that Obi-Wan Kenobi is in the space station. “I must face him alone.” OOH, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT. #StarWars

And some disgusting thing has Luke by the neck! Ew! #StarWars RT @ticktock6 Into the garbage chute, flyboy!

Meanwhile, the garbage chute’s walls are closing in. Luke is frantically trying to get in contact with CP3, er, C3P0. #StarWars

(Yes, I really typed CP3 first.) #StarWars

The walls stop. The good guys celebrate being alive. Now Han Solo and Leia are arguing (after a brief Obi-Wan scene). #StarWars

What? Han Solo is taking on like… 88 Stormtroopers. #StarWars

Luke and Leia swing across to the other side before getting caught by the Stormtroopers. Obi-Wan and Darth Vader face each other. #StarWars

Man, @Cosmis is right. This lightsaber fight is terrible. #StarWars

PEW PEW PEW. RT @ticktock6 @TheNoLookPass it’s basically just a conversation with lasers

Wait. Obi-Wan?! That’s it!? #StarWars

RT @brosales12 @TheNoLookPass If you watch IV-VI and then I-III, the last fight in III will blow your socks off. Patience, young Padawan.

RT @influxman Order suggestion: 4,5,1,2,3,6. I taught #StarWars to my 6th grade classes this year using that order. Huge success.

I am riveted with this fight in space. #StarWars

PEW PEW PEW. RT @basquiatball @TheNoLookPass crazy how the space ships make sound in the vacuum of space isn’t it?

The good guys are now at the rebel base. The speaker (leader) ends with, “May the force be with you.” Should I capitalize Force? #StarWars

Han Solo, who said earlier about not believing in forces (or something), says to Luke, “May the Force be with you.” HE BELIEVES. #StarWars

Han Solo has decided not to join in on the rebel fight. Because, ya know, he’s Han SOLO. *gets tomatoes thrown at him* #StarWars

RT @basquiatball I think that was Lucas’s bad joke, not yours. He also named the greedy bounty hunter “Greedo”

Once again riveted by this fight in space. Also, I have to use the restroom really soon but I’m a trooper. A Stormtrooper. #StarWars

I can’t say anything snarky about this space fight right now. #StarWars

Also, now I know the origin of Biggs and Wedge. I always see their names in the Final Fantasy games. #StarWars #FinalFantasy #Nerd

!!!!! RT @ticktock6 @TheNoLookPass pic.twitter.com/8S8TN7Gdma

I feel like I’m playing a video game at this moment. #StarWars

And Han Solo is here to save the day! #StarWars

The Death Star. Gone! #StarWars

Princess Leia gives Han Solo a medal. Han winks at Leia. YOU SLY FOX. #StarWars

Luke receives his medal. And Chewbacca makes more sounds. THE END. Now I have to go to the restroom. #StarWars

Guys… I really enjoyed Star Wars. I expected to be snarky about it but I totally enjoyed it. #StarWars


I hope you loved that one, nerds!

Woof, baby.

R2